


the memory of you is like broken glass

by torigates



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-06
Updated: 2011-11-06
Packaged: 2017-12-31 12:31:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1031737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torigates/pseuds/torigates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robin’s clock counted down to zero, and just before Wally squeezed his eyes shut and thought about her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the memory of you is like broken glass

  
Robin’s clock counted down to zero, and just before Wally squeezed his eyes shut and thought about her.

He could still feel the heat on his face. He could remember taking that last breath, and the feeling of all the air in the room being sucked out. It felt like he was running as fast as he could, and the rest of the world would never catch up to him.

It already had, he knew.

He wasn’t afraid, he just wanted the last thing he saw to be her face.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Artemis rolled over and retched, shaking. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t see. She didn’t know where she was.

There was a cool, heavy hand on her shoulder. “Take deep breaths,” Red Tornado said, and she did. She felt weak.

Her hands were shaking.

Everything was wrecked around her. On another bed she could see Robin waking up, she could see the way he was covered with sweat and shaking like she was. Batman was standing next to him, his hand on Robin’s shoulder. The two of them were talking quietly, but she couldn’t hear what they were saying. She didn’t feel like she should hear what they were saying.

That was between them. She didn’t have a part in that.

J’onn was speaking, explaining, and although Artemis could hear the words, could understand them, she didn’t know what they meant.

Artemis knew one thing for sure: she died. She died and then there was nothing, there was nothing at all, and then she was alive again, and it wasn’t real.

It felt real.

Everything that happened, it was because of her. She had been careless, she had made a mistake and because of that everyone else suffered.

It was all her fault.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

No one spoke.

There wasn’t much to say. M’gann was still crying on Captain Marvel’s shoulder. Wally could hear the low tones of Batman, Red Tornado, and J’onn’s conversation, but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. Didn’t want to hear what they were saying.

He didn’t particularly care what they were saying, if he was being honest.

M’gann was being comforted by Captain Marvel, and Superboy was hovering behind them. Wally knew he should probably care that they were dating, he knew he should care that they had kept it a secret, but how could he? How could he care about that kind of thing?

Not when they loved each other. Not when they had--when Artemis had--

He shook his head. Best not to think about that. (Impossible not to think about that.)

Artemis was sitting alone, staring at her knees. Wally wanted to reach out and touch her. Reassure himself that she was really there, that she was still there, that she wasn’t going anywhere. That she was breathing. Solid. Present.

He wanted wanted her to look over at him, but she kept her gaze focused on her knees her fists clenched at her sides.

Batman turned to face them. “You all are free to go home. There’s nothing more we can do here tonight. There will be a briefing tomorrow at which point we can discuss this further.”

Wally stared at him. He couldn’t just _go home_. Not after everything.

But Conner took M’gann’s hand, and the two of them went off together, Wolf at their heels. M’gann said a few words to J’onn and then they were disappearing down a hallway together. Batman put a hand on Robin’s shoulder, and they disappeared, off to the Batcave or wherever it was they spent all their time.

Captain Marvel gave them one last look before he followed Batman, and J’onn. Then it was only Wally and Artemis. She still wasn’t looking at him.

The bed was hard beneath him. He pushed himself off it, and walked across the room. Artemis didn’t acknowledge him, her jaw was clenched. Her fingers were tied in knots on her lap. He reached out and touched her. She stilled, but didn’t look up at him.

His fingers curled around her wrist, and he could feel her pulse fluttering under the skin. It was sure, steady. He closed his eyes and counted her heartbeats, reassuring himself she was there. Alive.

She took a deep breath, her eyes downcast.

He ran his hands up the inside of her forearm. Her sleeves were rolled up, and he wanted to press his palms against her bare skin so he did. He gripped her tight, and wrapped his hands around her elbows.

She looked up at him finally, her eyes were wide and blue and he wanted so desperately to know what she was thinking. Wanted to see what she was feeling, he wanted to know her, to hold on to her.

“Artemis,” he said. His voice cracked.

She opened her mouth but nothing came out. He didn’t know how much she remembered, or what she felt. He wanted her to know.

His grip tightened on her arms and he pulled her to him, wrapping his arm around behind her waist, the other hand coming up to tangle in her hair. He buried his face in the crook of her shoulder and choked out a sob.

“Artemis,” he said again. Suddenly he was crying, clutching her to him as the tears ran down his face and onto her shoulder. He couldn’t stop, his fingers grabbing at her, holding her to him.

Her arms came up and wrapped around his shoulders, and neither of them said anything for a long time.

When he could breathe again, he stepped back and wiped he eyes with the back of his hand.

“I’m sorry,” he choked out. “Artemis, I’m so sorry.”

She stared at him, and reached out as if to take his hand. At the last minute she seemed to change her mind, and it fell into her lap. “Why?” she asked.

He shook his head. “Because,” he said. “Because you--because I couldn’t--I didn’t--” he broke off, and wiped at his eyes again.

“Hey,” she said. “You couldn’t have. You did everything that you could have.” This time she did reach out and grabbed the hem of his shirt, pulling him back to her.

They stood a foot apart, her hand still clutching his shirt hem tightly in her fist. He shook his head again. “I’m sorry,” he said.

She brought her hands to his face, forcing him to look at her, and they stood like that for a moment before she pulled him to her for another hug. He felt tears sting his eyes again, and he held her tightly to him.

When she pulled back, she wouldn’t meet his eyes. “I’m going to go,” she said. He nodded even though she wasn’t looking at him. She turned and walked down one of the halls.

“Artemis,” he called again.

“I’ll see you later, Wally,” she said, without looking back, and then she was gone.

With nothing else to do, he went home.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Artemis wandered the halls of Mount Justice for what felt like a long time. She could only remember so much of their simulation, but she could remember the bright light of the alien’s beam. She could remember the way her muscles moved and bunched as she drew her final shot, the way the cold air stung her cheeks and nose and lungs when she inhaled.

And then nothing.

There was nothing else after that.

Up ahead, she could hear faint voices. The door to M’gann’s room was open and she and Conner were sitting on her bed, their heads bowed close together.

M’gann looked up to see her standing in the entrance.

“Artemis,” she said.

Conner nodded at her. M’gann put her hand on his knee, and he nodded once before standing and walking over to wear Artemis was standing. Belatedly, Artemis realised M’gann must have asked him to give them some time alone.

“I’ll see you later,” he said. Artemis wasn’t sure if he was speaking to her or M’gann. She nodded in either case.

M’gann sat on her bed, but didn’t say anything. She didn’t motion for Artemis to come over. She took a hesitant step, and then another, and another until she was standing right next to her friend. She sat down, and took M’gann’s hand in hers.

They were quiet.

After a long moment Artemis leaned over and put her head on M’gann’s shoulder, and she put her arms around Artemis and cried.

If a few tears fell down her cheeks, Artemis wiped them away quickly enough to say they never happened.

They sat together, and Artemis lost track of how much time passed. When M’gann finally did pull away, her face was streaked with tears.

“It’s all my fault,” Artemis said. “M’gann, I’m sorry.”

M’gann looked at her aghast. “Artemis, no,” she said, and pulled Artemis in for another hug. “No, it’s not.”

Artemis held on to M’gann and wished that she could convey everything she felt, wished that M’gann could know, maybe she did because neither one of them spoke, and Artemis thought she knew how M’gann was feeling too.

“I’m scared,” M’gann said. “I don’t know what to do.”

Artemis didn’t know what to do either. She didn’t know what to say to make everything better. She didn’t know if things _could_ be better after this, or if they’d have to find their way to a new normal. That, at least, was something Artemis was good at. She knew how to be lost, how to be scared, how to be sure.

She also knew how to overcome those things.

“I know,” Artemis said. “I know you’re scared, M’gann, but you’re also strong. You’re so strong. Stronger than anyone else I know. You’ll figure it out,” she said, and took her friend’s hand. “We’ll figure it out.”

M’gann put her face against Artemis’ shoulder and cried.

“I wish I could have been there for you,” Artemis said. “I wish you didn’t have to be alone.”

M’gann smiled at her through her tears. “I know,” she said, before her face turned contemplative.

“What?” Artemis asked.

“I wasn’t alone,” she said. “Not really. You should have seen Wally, Artemis. He...” M’gann trailed off.

Artemis didn’t want to think about Wally. She didn’t want to think about the way he had held onto her earlier, as if he was afraid she would disappear any second. It was... it was like the way M’gann was holding on to her right now, she realised.

“I don’t want to talk about Wally,” she said eventually.

M’gann shook her head. “You have to know,” she said, her voice thick with tears again. “You have to know what happened to him. To me. To all of us. You’re important,” she said. “You’re so important to me.” She began sobbing again.

Artemis put her arm around M’gann’s shoulder and held her while she cried. Her eyes stung, but she didn’t let herself give in.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

The briefing the next day was the worst one Wally had ever sat through. Batman, Red Tornado, and J'onn sat them all down and made them go over everything that had happened inside the simulation.

Wally had known at the time that none of it was real. At least that was what Batman and J'onn told them. They had known that the deaths of the Justice League were simulated, and that was why they hadn't felt any grief at the time. Maybe that was true, but looking back on it everything felt real. Wally could remember seeing video of the Flash--Uncle Barry--disintegrating into nothing. Then Aunt Iris. Then Artemis.

His memories felt real, and he could feel the tears stinging his eyes.

As Robin spoke, explaining everything that happened, M'gann sat hunched in her chair, her hands folded in her lap. Conner stood behind her, his hand on her shoulder. Wally could see that she was crying again. Robin's voice was sure, steady, but Wally was sure that he heard his voice crack when he talked about Batman's ship exploding.

It might not have felt real at the time, but it felt real now.

Kaldur took over telling their story. He talked for a long time. When he came to the part where Artemis was hit by the alien beam, M'gann started crying even more. Conner looked like he wanted to hit something. Wally felt like he might like to hit something too. His hands curled into fists, his fingernails digging sharply into his palms. He had to remind himself that Artemis was all right. She was right there. She was alive.

"M'gann was distressed," he said. "We were all distressed."

He looked at Wally, but didn't say anything about what happened. How Wally had reacted. He could feel his throat and eyes burning, and more tears threatened to escape. She was all right. She was there, he could see her. She was alive.

"I threw the Martian Manhunter through the portal, and that's the last thing I remember," Kaldur finished.

Batman nodded. "You did the right thing," he said. Coming from Batman that was glowing praise. Wally wasn't sure how much it would really matter to Kaldur after everything. Or maybe it would matter all that much more.

Conner talked about what happened next, about travelling to Smallville, and fighting the aliens. How Robin had asked him to take them on. M'gann choked out another sob, and Wally thought he saw Batman nod thoughtfully.

Robin explained the rest. About how he knew all along that none of the Justice League would be inside the ship, how he planned on destroying the mother ship would put an end to everything.

When he was done Batman looked at all of them. "Thank you," he said. "I know that was difficult, and I know you were all faced with impossible situations. That was the point of the drill. You were meant to be faced with impossible decisions in a controlled situation, and despite the fact that things escalated you did well. All of you."

Then they were dismissed. It was over. As over as it could ever be.

By some unspoken agreement, they avoided Mount Justice for the next couple of days. At least Wally avoided HQ, he didn't know what everyone else was doing. Besides a couple of cryptic texts from Rob, he didn't have contact with anyone else.

Uncle Barry came over to talk to him. Wally wasn't sure who called him--maybe his mom, maybe Batman, maybe both of them, he didn't bother asking.

"I heard about what happened," Barry said. They were sitting in Wally's bedroom where he had been half-heartedly surfing the internet.

Wally nodded but didn't say anything.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Barry asked.

Wally opened his mouth, not sure what he planned on saying. "I--I don't know," he said. "I know it wasn't real. I know it didn't actually happen." He paused. "It feels real, Uncle Barry," he said. "It still feels real. It still feels like she--everyone died. I don't know what to do about that."

Barry sighed. "You know," he said. "This is part of the reason why I was so against you joining me as a Flash. You're so young, Wally."

"I'm not that young," he said.

Barry laughed. "You are. You really are. And you shouldn't have to deal with this kind of pressure, and stress, and grief."

Wally didn't know what to say to that.

"But it doesn't matter now," Barry said with another sigh. "You _do_ have to deal with all those things whether I like it or not. And everything that I've seen you do, everything that I've heard about, it only shows me that you're ready to face any obstacle thrown at you."

Wally ducked his head, suddenly feeling unsure of what to do or say. Under normal circumstances he would give anything to hear that from his uncle. He'd accept the praise without question. Now, it didn't feel all that much like he had done anything to deserve it.

Barry stood and put an arm around Wally's shoulders. "Come on," he said. "Let's go for a run."

They ran to Florida and back, then Barry bought them hamburgers.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Artemis didn't say a word during the briefing. She listened to her friends talk about what happened to them, and felt like she was intruding on their grief.

She felt like she didn't belong there.

They had all suffered because of her.

She watched M'gann struggle to keep herself under control as first Kaldur, then Conner, then Robin spoke of what happened to them. She watched a multitude of emotions play across Wally's face, and she wished so much she could take it all back. Save them all from the pain she had inflicted on them.

Afterwards, she didn't want to go home. She didn't want to face her mother, she didn't want to lie about what happened to her and what she was feeling. She wanted to be alone.

M'gann stopped her before she left. Her eyes were still red from crying, but they were dry. "Artemis," she said, putting her hand on Artemis' arm. "Wait."

Artemis turned back to face her friend. She didn't know what to say.

"I--" M'gann started. "I want to tell you about Wally."

Artemis shook her head. "No," she said. "You don't have to say anything."

M'gann's grip on her arm tightened. "I do," she said. "You need to know. If you don't want to talk about it with me, you should talk about it with him. He was a wreck, Artemis," she said. "As bad as me."

M'gann smiled at her sadly, and Artemis wanted to take all her friend's pain away. She reached forward and hugged her. M'gann held on tightly.

Finally they parted, M'gann gave her a little wave over her shoulder. She still looked sad. Artemis thought it would probably be a long time before that sadness was gone from her eyes.

She went home. She went to school. She thought a lot about what M'gann said. She couldn't get what she said out of her head. Wally was as wrecked as M'gann over her death. She thought back to what had happened to them directly after they all woke up. The way he clung to her and cried. At the time, she didn't want to think about what that meant. Now it was all she could think about it.

For a while now, she had considered herself a part of the team. She knew she belonged, and that she was doing what she was meant to be doing. It wasn’t perfect. Part of her always felt like an outsider. Maybe it was her past, maybe it was the fact that she had been the new girl, but she had always felt a little bit removed from everyone else. They had history together without her.

M'gann had accepted her. Completely. M'gann had welcomed her onto the team and embraced her presence, even when Artemis herself made that difficult. M'gann was her sister. M'gann loved her, and Artemis knew she loved M'gann.

She hadn't know how much until now.

If pressed Artemis would have said the other members of the team valued her as an asset. If really pressed she probably would have said they considered her a friend.

But loved her like M'gann loved her? No. She wouldn't have said that. She had trouble even believing that.

J'onn had said it was the force of their collective emotions--their collective grief--that caused everything to spiral out of control.

That meant something whether Artemis wanted to think about it or not.

She found it difficult to return to Mount Justice after that, not sure what she would find when she finally did go back. Would everything be different? Artemis felt that it had to be. Everything had changed.

Stepping back inside was almost a disappointment. The familiarity of it all was overwhelming.

Wally was sitting in front of the television, a bowl of chips in front of him. When she entered the room, he looked up and the look on his face was part hope, part hesitation.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” she said.

She walked across the room and sat down next to him on the couch. There was so much she knew she should say to him: thank you for caring about me, thank you for not giving up on me, thank you for needing me, thank you for wanting me, and why, why do you care?

The words were stuck in the back of her throat. She swallowed them down and held them in her heart.

“Artemis,” he said.

She reached out and took his hand, weaving their fingers together, his wrist was still wrapped from when he broke it, just another reminder of how fragile they all really were. He looked down at where they were touching, and she turned his hand over, exposing the inside of his arm. She trailed her fingers along the delicate skin, mirroring his touch days earlier.

“I was so scared,” he said.

She thought about everything that had happened since they woke up from the nightmarish simulation, everything she had seen and heard and felt.

“Me too,” she said.

His grip on her hand tightened, and they sat together quietly for a long, long time. 


End file.
